Drop your shoulders, relax your stress-cracked teeth and tension-headache jaw. Let your tongue lay flaccid; untense your forehead and rest those brows. Lay your softness in my hands, the rolls of you spilling over. Stretch deeply, crack your spine. Rest your head right there on my lap, be vulnerable; show me the jugular. Crumble your walls, come, let me demolish them. Eat, heartily and happily, show me your appetite, flaunt grease on your chin, display your delight. Let me feed you. Show me your belly, let me press my hands and feel your organs shift. Press your fingertips to mine, And palm to palm is holy palmers kiss*. Unfold like origami gone wrong, pour out beyond the edges of your skin. expand. exhale. plump. joyous. quick breath. cloud-like in texture. creamy red wine in mouth-feel. post le petite mort mindlessness. Unfurl. Let me watch. *Romeo & Juliet, Shakespeare.
Thoughts:
I am a people watcher, and sometimes for my own contentment, I like to watch other people enjoying things. I like to be the reason someone is relaxing - but never if I am asked. I will greedily watch them as they eat food I have cooked or snuggle under a blanket I placed there for that purpose.
Perhaps a safe space. And, there is nothing on the earth I appreciate more than women. So actually, this is very much more focused on the softness and the vulnerability that women can share with each other.
For sure, I don’t discount that this can be something with males too, but for me, as much as I enjoy men, what I really love, what I adore, and what feeds me to no end is cooking, talking, hanging out, serving and taking care of my very delightful circle of women.
There is nothing so stunningly breathtaking as the true vulnerability that is achievable in female love - whatever form that is in.
Listening to:
I adore this song to no end, and I have a podcast where I talk about music and this band were a feature. Since this year has sucked shit through a straw, I haven’t been as consistent as I’d like but here are some lyrics:
I'm on your side
Through thick and thin and any line
We'll cross divides and we will stand in hope and light
But if you ain't alright, just remember
I'm on your side
Indeed.
Reading:
This week I have been on the struggle bus with reading, so perhaps the two books I am flitting between are pretty fitting.
Mindwandering, Moshe Bar & Hyperfocus Chris Bailey. *amazon affiliate links.
Mindwandering: 'An original, provocative and fascinating new theory by one of the world's leading neuroscientists about why the mind wanders - and when and why it's good for you' Daniel Gilbertt
Hyperfocus: 'The most productive man you'd ever hope to meet' – TED
Hyperfocus by Chris Bailey is a practical guide to managing your attention – the most powerful resource you have to become more creative, get stuff done, and live a more meaningful life.
If you haven’t read these yet you might like them, I wrote em and I think they are fair to mid:
Draft First Chapter
One I press my finger into the sticky liquid pooled on the floor. It glides across the tiles with ease, leaving a little glimpse of the white tiles underneath. It's getting thicker and cooled down far faster than I thought it would. I lift my finger and look at the rich glossy red liquid clinging to the tip.
Eat.
Dip your finger and suck it dry; sticky, honey. Slide your hands down my back - remember to pause on the ribs, count them one by one, finger tips pressed into fat. Walk your fingers down the spine, tip tap tip tap, and sit your eager fingers right above the parting of flesh. Dripping.
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Do you have to? No. Should you want to? Possibly not.
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I will be throwing out another chapter soon, and the pick was made my someone else at random and it honestly makes no sense. That said, I will give NaNoWriMo another go this year, and just like last time I will start without an idea and see what happens.